she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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