Your face is a jimmy john
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
the raccoons are back...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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