mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
