If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
