areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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