it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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