So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Randomize