i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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