This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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