so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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