you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
