I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize