So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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