its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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