I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
