Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
