You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize