just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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