Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
