I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize