I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
