please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize