I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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