I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
