Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
