I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Hippo gnu deer
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
