I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
