is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
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