I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
