He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
pray to the hookup gods
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Randomize
