there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize