i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
