Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I've blown a few things in my day
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
