I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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