Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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