When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
do herpes really smell.
I'm passing your future prison.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
