you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
