in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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