i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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