I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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