This girl is more easily done than said...
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize