apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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