I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
