I wish they made helmets for livers.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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