Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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