Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
