I hate all girls vehemently.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Randomize
