I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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