He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
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