so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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