You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
