let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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