It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
