He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
