textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Randomize
