Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
