I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I will be naked everywhere
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
