Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
