Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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