ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize