it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
