420 ftw
It's just like the Real World with babies
why do cheetos always look like penises
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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