I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
