I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
