i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
