I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
