Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
