He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
