he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
