RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
