I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
