we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize