just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
