Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
