i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
