I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I think I just sharted jello shots
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