remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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