Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
