I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I need to stop coming to work sober
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
