guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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