I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
