Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize