So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
