Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
