I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
