I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
