you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
