She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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