I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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