I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
