I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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